


my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

by winestainedcardigan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Developing Relationship, Emotional, F/M, Fix-It, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), because I said so, buckynat - Freeform, but really, i guess, it should've been clint, the sunsent signifies for better days OKAY, this is canon, winterwidow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:42:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29604756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winestainedcardigan/pseuds/winestainedcardigan
Summary: bucky comforts her at the funeral.or an au where clint dies in vormir instead of natasha.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

**Author's Note:**

> so, i can't stop making buckynat fics now. also, this is my 'it should've been clint' fic.
> 
> song is from ivy - taylor swift

Natasha cried for days, blaming herself for the death of her best friend. When Laura called Natasha and asked her to the funeral, she sobbed and apologized to Laura nonstop despite Laura whispering to her that it’s okay and it’s not her fault. The day of the funeral, Natasha couldn’t bring herself to look at Laura or her children, she couldn’t even say Hi to her godchildren without breaking down. She sees him in them and as she watches them cry, she blames herself for every tear that came out of their eyes. 

The funeral was held in Clint’s farm, every Avenger, Guardians, and Agents who worked with him were all there to pay their respects for him. It was a simple service, filled with flowers that gives Natasha allergies making her cry more than she should have. 

_It should’ve been me._

Four words that had been screaming in Natasha’s mind ever since she watched Clint fall into the cliff of Vormir. It was supposed to be her. She had already accepted that the moment Red Skull told them that in order to get to soul stone, one must sacrifice their soul. A soul for a soul. She knows she’s the right pick, she has no husband nor children but Clint still has so much to live for. He has his wife and his beautiful kids and he left them to save the world and for Natasha to live.

_I got nothing to live for._

She bitterly thinks. If it was her, they probably would’ve mourned for her and then they’d forget about it, people would move on with their lives and Clint’s children would grow up with their father.

She was fine with that. She was more than okay with that actually.

After the service, Natasha found herself away from everyone, sitting underneath a huge oak tree while her mind kept replaying her last moment with Clint. She can still remember him, laying down on the bottom of the cliff, blood spilling from his head as she cried out his name. 

“Hey,”

A familiar voice speaks, breaking her away from her thoughts.

“Do you mind?” 

“Go ahead.” She didn’t even bother looking at him, only motioned the empty space next to her. Bucky sat next to her, silence filling the air. No one uttered a word for a while, it almost felt nice.

“I’m really sorry.” He spoke softly, breaking the silence between them.

“It should’ve been me.” Natasha answered after a moment, her voice trying not the crack while her eyes are still looking across the field, just wanting to disappear into thin air right now. 

“Don’t say that. It was his choice too.” She can feel his eyes looking at her.

Of course, she knows that.

“I know,” Her voice was so quiet, Bucky almost couldn’t catch it and then, there was silence once again apart from the chirping birds above them.

She loves that sound, it feels like happiness to her but right now, she wants nothing but to shut them up. 

Natasha suddenly felt his cool metal hand placing on top of hers that was resting on her lap. She noticed how hesitant he was and almost like he was afraid to do it. A small smile formed in her lips before turning her hand and intertwining it with his. She couldn’t help but notice how much her hand fits perfectly with his and how natural this feels for her, as if this hand used to hold her when she sleeps or wipes away her tears or even touches her cheek as he kisses her deeply. 

Natasha blinked away that last thought immediately and chewed the inside of her cheek to stop herself from blushing any further. 

Her mind focused on his mental hand instead, he was still using the one he got from Wakanda and his arm is mostly hidden from his jacket. His hand felt cool against her warm skin but she likes the feeling of it. 

“You know, he would’ve wanted you to live your life, move on and be happy.” Bucky said, leaning back on the tree. 

Natasha swallowed a huge lump on her throat and looked at him, “I’ve got nothing to live for, James.” 

There was a moment of silence, Natasha saw his mouth open a couple of times but no words came out of it. She doesn’t know what he wants to say but she knows that he was scared to say it. 

She sighed and looked back at the fields again, “I don’t have a husband, children, or family at all.” Natasha said, whispering the last part.

She used to dream of that, having a family on her own and even being a housewife, having a husband to love forever. She longs for that life but she knows she can never have it. All she has is no one but herself. 

“You have me.” He abruptly said, as if he was reading her thoughts.

She turned to him again and saw that he was already looking at her, searching for something in her eyes. She felt him gently squeeze her hand as he gave her a small comforting smile. 

It’s been a long and emotional day for Natasha, she cried way too many times today and this is one of those times. She suddenly felt tears flowing down her cheeks for no reason at all, making Bucky widen his eyes.

“I-.. I’m sorry…” Bucky stuttered out, pulling his hand away from her and moving farther from her when she suddenly stopped him and grabbed his hand again. “No, stay. It’s okay,” Natasha sniffled, wiping her tears away on the back of her hand. “It’s been a long day.” Bucky nodded in response, relaxing his shoulders and letting out a deep breath.

She let out a deep breath and leaned her head on his shoulder, her hand still refusing to let go of his. She felt a smile formed on her lips as she felt him press a gentle kiss on top of her head while she watched the sunset.

_She thinks, maybe someone’s going to stay this time._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading, i hope you guys liked it!!! talk to me on twitter @barnesromancff and tumblr theasianwitch
> 
> ilysm mwa <3


End file.
